Are you happy yet? Here are some ideas to get started.
By Dr GaryCA
August 19, 2011 at 8:37 pm
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With the summer coming to the end, my clients are talking about how the months got away from them so quickly, and wondering why they don’t feel like they really enjoyed themselves. Often this leads to questions about what it means to be happy.
It seems to me that, during times of the year when we are “supposed” to be happy, we are more likely to question our own happiness. Am I right?
The challenges of dealing with chronic conditions can feel especially hard to face during certain times of the year like the summer and the holidays when so many of the people around us appear to be living it up, at least on the surface. But if you’re dealing with medication regimens, diet limitations, mobility challenges, symptoms, side effects… all the summer pressures to go-go-run-run can leave you feeling that you spent part of your summer sitting on the sidelines or, on the other hand, tried to keep up and ended up chasing your own tail until you got tired of running.
And this summer, a lot of us have also been feeling the uncertainty of the economy and the other problems of the world. That’s a lot of weight to carry around, right?
Happy? What are you, crazy?
Real happiness starts with your own attitude and your expectations. That’s all inside. And that means that we all have an equal opportunity to find and grab onto happiness, regardless of the challenges we might be facing.
No matter what time of year it is, here are some ideas to cultivate happiness in your life:
Accept yourself. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone else. And if you constantly compare yourself to others, you are sooner or later going to come up short. Instead, accept that each of us in our own individual path in life, we have strengths, weaknesses, joys, challenges. Let go of the woulda-coulda-shouldas and accept where you are at this moment in time. Ease up on the self-criticism. You’re doing the best you can.
Take care of yourself. If you are dealing with a chronic condition, you already know how important self-care is. Make it a priority to do everything possible to promote your own wellness. In other words, take responsibility for yourself. If you are concerned that this is a selfish attitude, remember that you if you aren’t taking the best possible care of yourself, you can’t be there for others.
Get out of yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about ourselves, and lamenting what we don’t have. Balance your self-care with reaching out to others. Giving has a way of giving back, starting with checking in on the people and throwing a little love in their direction. Be a friend to others, that’s the best way to have friends. We are all in this together.
Learn to handle some frustration. We all have a few – or a lot of – ideas about what the world should look like, how other people should behave, and what should be coming out way. But getting so attached to those ideas can only lead to frustration. It’s human to want to be in control, but the world around us is uncontrollable. Relax those expectations, accept that things aren’t going to go your way, and try relaxing yourself while you’re at it.
Enjoy the simple joys of life. Try sweating the small stuff, or at least acknowledging the little things that make you happy. Getting up in the morning and going through your routine, talking to a friend, getting outside in the sun. The potential for moments of happiness is all around you.
Accept others. We’re all dealing with a lot right now. Sometimes that brings out the best in us, and sometimes not. Sometimes people are going to think like us, sometimes they aren’t. When you accept yourself for who you are, it is a whole lot easier to also accept others for who they are. (You might have to forgive a few of them along the way.) Remember: compassion is a boomerang.
Give in to change. The only thing we can really count on is that things change. You’ve already seen it in your own life – chronic conditions bring all kinds of change into your life. The more flexible you can be – ready, willing, and able to shift your priorities, and change your routine – makes it easier to live with uncertainty. Resistance just leads to more resistance… and headaches.
Embrace your spirituality. Having spiritual or religious beliefs, and being involved in regular practice of those beliefs, can make go a long way toward strengthening your foundation and giving you additional tools for coping with the bumps in the road.
Get passionate about something. What do you love in your life? A hobby? Your work? Your family? A grandchild? Community service? Politics? One of the keys to happiness is having something that you are excited about, that inspires you to be creative, that you “lose yourself” in and that you want to tell other people about (though you may want to be a little careful about the politics, a sensitive topic).
(Be a multimillionaire. Sorry, just couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know if this will make you happy or not. I keep hearing that it won’t. But I would be willing to volunteer for an experiment if anyone wants to throw a few million in my direction. Anybody want to join me?)
See? Like I said earlier, happiness is something that you can cultivate in yourself, working from the inside out. What’s working for you? Any ideas to share?
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Replies (21 replies)
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marieanne September 17, 2011 at 11:45 pm3 LikesThese are good points Gary, thanks. Each of us is entitled to Hap:)piness
in our lives. To the pursuit of happiness. Part of our wellness is tied to
our happiness, I believe. But first, we must allow ourselves this chance-
not always easy to do, when you haven't grown-up this way. For those
who have Faith in a higher power, wouldn't HE want happiness for you?
Just a thought~ find simple joys, ( a flower, a butterfly), accepting
others as they are- not trying to change others, but, only working on
self. Accepting yourself, as HE created you. Change- always harder on
self- when we fight change, not how I want to use up my precious energy.
Get outside yourself- doing something for others that helps them, thus
reminding ourselves that our world is much larger than our illness/pain.
We all have a purpose here! Getting passionate about something- this
can be just about anything you enjoy, taking special time for yourself
is not selfish, it is a necessity- for wellness. Being as well as we can is
up to us- to some degree, taking care of yourself is not selfish, but healthy
& will enable us to be able to do more for ourselves, & others when we
feel better inside & out. Hugs to all, marieanne -
Mickie G October 1, 2011 at 5:59 am2 LikesI agree I just wanted others to view this so they might get as much or more from this than I did. I am glad that others have viewed this and have commented on it. I hope everyone has their own walk with the lord even when it makes some uncomfortable.
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marieanne October 7, 2011 at 2:14 am1 LikeThanks Mickie G, I appreciate your point of view.
Hugs & hoping you have many good days Dear1.
marieanne -
Dr GaryCA September 18, 2011 at 7:48 pm4 LikesHi marianne. A good point you bring up here. So often we are raised with the idea that we have to be working and struggling all the time, and taking care of other people, as if that was all life was about. Passion for something, giving ourselves the time to find and enjoy it, is an important part of taking care of ourselves. As you said, allowing ourselves to be happy. Hugs to you, too!
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Mickie G October 1, 2011 at 6:00 am2 Likes
I agree which was the point of getting you all to read this.
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marieanne September 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm1 Like
Thanks Gary, I am not here much but I check back when able to.
Hap:)piness has never been talked about much, & it should be.
The more that people know it's okay to be happy, hopefully the
more they can allow themselves to be happy:) It's not selfish-
it's needed- or a need. Hugs to all, marieanne -
Dr GaryCA October 2, 2011 at 10:05 pm3 Likes
Hi marieanne, I have missed you. Thanks for replying to my post. You're right, we can all do some working on happiness, and it does take some work. Hope all is well. Gary
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Mickie G September 17, 2011 at 11:03 pm3 LikesI think that was well said. You have a gift for words. I am working on many of these issues in counseling. It is a struggle at times to get passed yourself to be happy. It is almost like I get scared that if I am happy, someone will take it away. You have given me a lot to think about, thank you. I hope you are happy or at least close!! Love and Prayers.
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marieanne September 30, 2011 at 5:42 pm1 Like
Dear Mickie G, it has been a long road for me- but I am happy now.
It is bc I was able to get outside myself, & do & be there, for others.
This is how it worked for me. I believe alot of things come in to
play when trying to be happy- or find happiness. We all have this
ability within ourselves, & it is not what we get from others necess
arily, although others can add to our happiness, they can not give
it to us. It is not elusive to us, it's just that some of us didn't have
access to these benefits, growing up. For me, my happiness had
to include God, I asked Him for His guidance in my life, & He gave
it to me. From there, I went to telling myself that no matter how
bad I got with my illnesses, I still had purpose, & something to offer
to others- we all have this within ourselves, also. I also told myself-
that as long as I could function, I would continue to reach out
to others. I hope this helps someone as it has done amazing things
in my life. Best wishes for your success. Hugs, marieanne -
Mickie G October 1, 2011 at 6:03 am2 Likes
I agree. i am sad that some think that a belief in a higher power makes them uncomfortable, and makes them want to slow down the belief or power, but I believe and hope they find thier own belief instead of belittling ours.
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marieanne October 7, 2011 at 2:18 am1 Like
My sentiments exactly! I do not push my beliefs on anyone but I
still have a right to them, as you do! If others do not want to talk
about their beliefs, that's just fine with me. I will always continue
to rejoice in HIM. Hugs, marieanne -
Dr GaryCA September 17, 2011 at 11:25 pm3 Likes
Hi Mickie,
So nice to hear from you. I hope we can be friends.
I am glad you are working on this in counseling. This is a process and, yes, part of it is to stop getting in our own way. And a lot of us have grown up in families in which we weren't supposed to be happy, and so we don't let ourselves be happy so that we won't be disappointed. That's called superstituous thinking. Many people experience this.
I try to be happy, some days are happier than others. But I try to stay focused on what's working in my life, and in the world. That helps.
Thanks for your kind words. I hope you are having a good weekend, even a happy one.
Stay in touch, ok?
Gary
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Mickie G October 1, 2011 at 6:06 am3 Likes
I am working on it and other things. I am more focused than I have been previously in my life, and i feel that I am making progress. I am taking one moment at a time and one situation as well. I am hopeful and being on these websites help. You are good people and I for one appreciate you all.
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shoulders August 30, 2011 at 3:12 pm4 Likes
I try to keep in touch with my Grandchildren. The youth of today make me worry about our future. But my Grandchildren are still young enough to still care, love, and respect other family members. They still run to me and state," Your the best Grandma in the whole world" and "i Love You" with out being told or asked to. So yes, my grandchildren give me reasurance that I still am an important person, I can still do things.
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Dr GaryCA August 31, 2011 at 7:45 am2 Likes
Hey shoulders,
This is great. I agree, there is nothing like the unconditional live that you receive from young children. And I am sure that they appreciate having a loving grandmother, and are responding in kind.
I hope you have a happy day!
Gary
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edvel54 August 26, 2011 at 12:39 am2 LikesI don't think I would be happier if I had more money. With more money, you just get more headaches. Yes, I would like to be able to pay the credit cards and mortgage, but then what do you do. Can't shop all the time.
I don't know how to be mean.//I tend to be too nice.. I would be a lot happier if our house guest went to live somewhere else…They have over stayed their welcome..3 years is too long. -
marieanne September 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm1 Like
I only need the money that one would need to live, as it doesn't
do anything for you otherwise- the happiness it brings is only
temporary, & must be repeated over & over throughout your lifetime.
Money is a man-made tool for survival purposes on earth, not something
that can- nor should be the base for your happiness. This is my
opinion about money. I also believe there is no use for it in Heaven-
God doesn't care, & it would be burned in the other place. So,
bottom line is, it's all about perspective for me, when it comes to
$. True happiness must be formed in yourself, & not based on
something fleeting. Hugs, marieanne -
100 Acre Woods September 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm3 Likes
3-years??? Honey, that isn't a house guest any more! What started out being a house guest changed to permanent residence (assuming they changed there driver's license). But, for you sake, I do hope they leave soon!
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Dr GaryCA August 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm4 Likes
HI! I always appreciate your posts! You're probably right, more money would lead to more headaches, especially once you started spending more and, as a result, just needing more money. I wish your houseguest would go away, too — I hope he is not too demanding. Take care!
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